The Court's Closed on Christmas

by The Eradicator

/
  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Black vinyl, ltd to 300. Includes download

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Court's Closed on Christmas via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $10 USD or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    12 track CD, contains the 6 tracks on "The Court's Closed on Christmas" plus the debut "Eradicator" EP

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Court's Closed on Christmas via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $7 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
2.
02:48
3.
4.
5.
6.
04:16

credits

released October 15, 2018

Engineered and Mixed by Pete Grossmann at Bricktop Recording from May to July 2018
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audiosiege in July 2018
Layout and Illustrations by Eric Baskauskas at Wall of Youth

The Eradicator on this recording is:

Vocals, Guitar, Keyboards – Andy Slania
Guitar – Scott Thomson
Bass, Backup Vocals – Ryan Bollis
Drums – Danny Walkowiak

Song 1 inspired by the rendition of “Frosty the Snowman” by Ella Fitzgerald.
Song 2 based on the track “In My Eyes” by Minor Threat. Used with permission.
Song 3 based on the track “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones. Used with license courtesy of WB Music Corp. OBO Taco Tunes.
Song 4 based on the track “The Man In Black” by Johnny Cash. Used with license courtesy of Bug Music OBO Songs of Cash, Inc.
Song 5 based on the track “I’m The One” by Descendents. Used with license courtesy of All Group, Inc. d/b/a Schwinn Tone.
Song 6 based on the track “Goalie” by Atom And His Package. Used with permission.

Song 1 written by Andy Slania
Songs 2-6 originally written by my grandfather, The Grandfather of Squash.
Songs 2-6 re-written with different lyrics, and made more popular by the artists mentioned above.

Gang vocal appearances on The Court’s Closed on Christmas, I Wanna Be A Squash Man, and Squashie by Kendra Sheetz, Mike Slania, Stephanie Fitting, Pete Grossmann.

The Eradicator concept is based on the Kids in the Hall sketch of the same name.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of this project in current, previous, and future form, which includes Nick Woods, Danny Walkowiak, Steve Maury, Ryan Bollis, Justin Morrow, Chris Siuty, Kevin Chapman, Dave Hofer, Scott Thomson, Lawrence Kole, Taylor Shupe, Josh Stacey, Adam Schurman, Chris Lidstone, Alex Ewigleben, Matt Stacks, Dylan Wachman, Tommy McPhail, Caleb Coffey, and Luke Gunn.

All songs published by The Eradicator (ASCAP).

Access The Eradicator:
facebook.com/theeradicatorband
eradicator.bandcamp.com

The Eradicator is officially endorsed by Squash.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

The Eradicator Chicago, Illinois

shows

contact / help

Contact The Eradicator

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: The Court's Closed on Christmas
Rolling down the street in the back of a cab
I'm wakin' up early getting ready for a match
The queen’s just chillin' in the palm of my hand
We’re just chillin'
We’re just chillin'

Getting out the cab hold my dark black mask
Rollin' to the court with my queen in hand
Walkin' to the door no one in sight
STOP

What the hell is this?
Why’s the court closed?
Oh fuck is it Christmas again?

The court is closed on Christmas
And this really really sucks
All these stupid fucks
Don’t give a fuck
This really really sucks

The court is closed on Christmas
Fuck this shit
Every god damn year
Fucking yule time cheer
Why does anybody care?

I don’t care about religion
Or about the lies you believe
Because every fucking year
No one is here to play squash with me

I feel lonely at the top, so I pray to the Squash Goggs

The court is closed on Christmas
And this really really sucks
All these stupid fucks
Don’t give a fuck
This really really sucks

The court is closed on Christmas
Fuck this shit
Every god damn year
Fucking yule time cheer
Why does any body care?

I don’t care about your shithead kids
I don’t care about em
I don’t give a fuck

You ditch me every year
My home’s empty
Get fucked

I don’t care about religion
Or about the lies you believe
Because every fucking year
No one is here to play squash with me

Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Fuck you

Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Fuck you

The court is closed on Christmas
This fucking sucks
All these stupid fucks
Don’t give a fuck
This really really sucks

The court is closed on Christmas
Fuck this shit
Every god damn year
Fucking yule time cheer
Why does anybody care?

Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump
The squash man wants to go

All these stupid motherfuckers are staying at home
I’m a squash man all alone

Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump
I want to play on….

Stupid mother fuckers
Fucking fuck
Track Name: In My Court
You tell me it's just a game
You just need an excuse
You tell me it's apart of your life
You just think you look cool
You tell me you are different
You're just a pusshead
You tell me you're about to win
You just need to fall

So get the fuck out

You're in my court, you're in my court

You'll perish at the hand of me
In my court
Your game will end at the hand of me
In my court

You tell me the game won't matter
You're just fucking scared
You tell me that I'm better
You're absolutely right
You tell me you wish you were me
You just wish you did
You tell me that I'm making a difference
It's cause I'm fucking trying

What ladders have you climbed?

You're in my court, you're in my court

You'll perish at the hand of me
In my court
Your game will end at the hand of me
In my court
Track Name: I Wanna Be A Squash Man
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go 
I wanna be a squash man 
Nothing to do no court to call home 
I wanna be a squash man 
 
Just get me to the airport 
Put me on a plane 
Hurry hurry hurry, before I lose my game 
I can’t control my future, I can’t hold my queen 
Oh no oh oh oh oh 
 
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go 
I wanna be a squash man 
Nothing to do no court to call home 
I wanna be a squash man 
 
Just get me to the cab 
Get me to the plane 
Hurry hurry hurry, before I lose my game 
I can’t control the pussheads, I gotta spread my name 
Oh no oh oh oh oh 
 
Squash squash squash squash squash squash squash squash

Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go 
I wanna be a squash man 
Nothing to do no court to call home 
I wanna be a squash man 
 
Just put me in a cab 
Get me to the court 
Hurry hurry hurry, I can’t lose my game 
I can’t control the traffic, the ladders got my brain 
Oh no oh oh oh oh 
Track Name: The Man In The Mask
Well you wonder why I always wear a mask 
Why you never see my face in front or back 
And why does my appearance seem to have a frightening tone 
Well there’s a reason for this thing that I have on 
 
I wear the mask for the pussheads I’ve beaten down 
Living on the hopeless side of the ladder 
I wear it for the prisoners who will long pay for their crimes 
When they try to break me time after time 
 
I wear the mask for those who’ve never read 
Or listened to the words grandfather said 
About the road to dominance through squash all the time 
But you know they’re at the end of the line 
 
Well I’m doing mighty fine I do suppose 
My scream is on and I’m wearing fancy clothes 
But just so we’re reminded of the ones who’ve fallen back 
At the top there ought to be a man in a mask 
 
I wear it for the sick and lonely old 
For the jealous ones whose matches came to the end 
I wear the mask in darkness for the lives that could have been 
Each week I beat a hundred dumb pussheads 
 
And I wear it for the thousands whose dreams died 
Believing that the ladder was on their side 
I wear it for another hundred thousand who will try 
Believing that the game was on their side 
 
Well there are games that suck, this I know 
And things keep changing everywhere I go 
But til we start to make a move to make a few things right 
You’ll never see my ass in a suit or tie 
 
I’d love to ditch the mask someday 
And tell the world the ladder will be OK 
But these pussheads aim a target on my back 
Until my fight is over, I’m the man in the mask 
Track Name: I'm Not The One
I’m not the one 
Haven’t been there for you all along 
Not the one 
The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on 
 
Nice guys finish last 
No one knows as good as me 
We’re not good friends 
Don’t come to me for sympathy 
I tell you that you’re not my type 
Stop calling me late at night 
Every time you pick a fight 
After all I’ve said and all I’ve done 
 
I’m not the one 
Haven’t been here for you all along 
Not the one 
The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on 
 
I’m a total dick 
That’s the truth and you know I’m right 
For everything I say 
I’ll never ever do you right 
You love the squash man who treats you wrong 
You think you’ll change me 
But you’re wrong 
You choose to fight, I say so long 
After all I’ve said and all I’ve done 
 
I’m not the one 
Haven’t been here for you all along 
Not the one 
The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on 

I’m the one 
Who doesn’t want you for anything 
I don’t feel the same for you 
I made it clear to you 
 
Start listening to what I’m saying 
You’re not the one I’m playing 
After all I’ve said and all I’ve done

I’m not the one 
Haven’t been here for you all along 
Not the one 
The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on 
Track Name: Squashie
Listen up you pussheads 
Here’s what’s up 
We’re gonna integrate two very important things 
and those are intelligence and squash
 
In squash 
You must win the match 
Which one cannot do if between me and the ladder it’s a fact 
 
Most squashies are quick 
React the drop of the hat 
But you cannot defeat me 
Because your shit’s so whack 
 
What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds?  You play squash 
 
Try the backhand, try the serve, there’s no getting through 
I told you ten times you cannot beat me, dude 
I won’t get tired, cuz I’ll just lie on my side 
And you still try to beat me but my game is too fine 
 
You’ll record the match and you’ll watch on the tele 
Blown away by my game and your legs are just jelly 
Me and my queen, we’ll be the new sensation 
The PSA won’t let me play and that’s discrimination! 
 
What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds?  You play squash (you can’t beat me in England) 
 
Hey man do you know what’s up? 
The game could’ve used me in the Grandfather Cup 
And I don’t care if my mask ruins the sport of the game 
Cuz I’m winning, yeah I’m winning 
 
What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds?  You play squash  
 
And we dance 
Like a wave in the ocean 
Pounds
And we live and we love

You play squash
Squash

If you like The Eradicator, you may also like: