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The Court's Closed on Christmas

by The Eradicator

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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Black vinyl, ltd to 300. Includes download

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Court's Closed on Christmas via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $10 USD or more 

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    12 track CD, contains the 6 tracks on "The Court's Closed on Christmas" plus the debut "Eradicator" EP

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Court's Closed on Christmas via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $7 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

      name your price

     

1.
Rolling down the street in the back of a cab I'm wakin' up early getting ready for a match The queen’s just chillin' in the palm of my hand We’re just chillin' We’re just chillin' Getting out the cab hold my dark black mask Rollin' to the court with my queen in hand Walkin' to the door no one in sight STOP What the hell is this? Why’s the court closed? Oh fuck is it Christmas again? The court is closed on Christmas And this really really sucks All these stupid fucks Don’t give a fuck This really really sucks The court is closed on Christmas Fuck this shit Every god damn year Fucking yule time cheer Why does anybody care? I don’t care about religion Or about the lies you believe Because every fucking year No one is here to play squash with me I feel lonely at the top, so I pray to the Squash Goggs The court is closed on Christmas And this really really sucks All these stupid fucks Don’t give a fuck This really really sucks The court is closed on Christmas Fuck this shit Every god damn year Fucking yule time cheer Why does any body care? I don’t care about your shithead kids I don’t care about em I don’t give a fuck You ditch me every year My home’s empty Get fucked I don’t care about religion Or about the lies you believe Because every fucking year No one is here to play squash with me Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Fuck you Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Fuck you The court is closed on Christmas This fucking sucks All these stupid fucks Don’t give a fuck This really really sucks The court is closed on Christmas Fuck this shit Every god damn year Fucking yule time cheer Why does anybody care? Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump The squash man wants to go All these stupid motherfuckers are staying at home I’m a squash man all alone Thumpety thump thump thumpety thump thump I want to play on…. Stupid mother fuckers Fucking fuck
2.
In My Court 02:48
You tell me it's just a game You just need an excuse You tell me it's apart of your life You just think you look cool You tell me you are different You're just a pusshead You tell me you're about to win You just need to fall So get the fuck out You're in my court, you're in my court You'll perish at the hand of me In my court Your game will end at the hand of me In my court You tell me the game won't matter You're just fucking scared You tell me that I'm better You're absolutely right You tell me you wish you were me You just wish you did You tell me that I'm making a difference It's cause I'm fucking trying What ladders have you climbed? You're in my court, you're in my court You'll perish at the hand of me In my court Your game will end at the hand of me In my court
3.
Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go  I wanna be a squash man  Nothing to do no court to call home  I wanna be a squash man    Just get me to the airport  Put me on a plane  Hurry hurry hurry, before I lose my game  I can’t control my future, I can’t hold my queen  Oh no oh oh oh oh    Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go  I wanna be a squash man  Nothing to do no court to call home  I wanna be a squash man    Just get me to the cab  Get me to the plane  Hurry hurry hurry, before I lose my game  I can’t control the pussheads, I gotta spread my name  Oh no oh oh oh oh    Squash squash squash squash squash squash squash squash Twenty twenty twenty four hours to go  I wanna be a squash man  Nothing to do no court to call home  I wanna be a squash man    Just put me in a cab  Get me to the court  Hurry hurry hurry, I can’t lose my game  I can’t control the traffic, the ladders got my brain  Oh no oh oh oh oh 
4.
Well you wonder why I always wear a mask  Why you never see my face in front or back  And why does my appearance seem to have a frightening tone  Well there’s a reason for this thing that I have on    I wear the mask for the pussheads I’ve beaten down  Living on the hopeless side of the ladder  I wear it for the prisoners who will long pay for their crimes  When they try to break me time after time    I wear the mask for those who’ve never read  Or listened to the words grandfather said  About the road to dominance through squash all the time  But you know they’re at the end of the line    Well I’m doing mighty fine I do suppose  My scream is on and I’m wearing fancy clothes  But just so we’re reminded of the ones who’ve fallen back  At the top there ought to be a man in a mask    I wear it for the sick and lonely old  For the jealous ones whose matches came to the end  I wear the mask in darkness for the lives that could have been  Each week I beat a hundred dumb pussheads    And I wear it for the thousands whose dreams died  Believing that the ladder was on their side  I wear it for another hundred thousand who will try  Believing that the game was on their side    Well there are games that suck, this I know  And things keep changing everywhere I go  But til we start to make a move to make a few things right  You’ll never see my ass in a suit or tie    I’d love to ditch the mask someday  And tell the world the ladder will be OK  But these pussheads aim a target on my back  Until my fight is over, I’m the man in the mask 
5.
I’m not the one  Haven’t been there for you all along  Not the one  The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on    Nice guys finish last  No one knows as good as me  We’re not good friends  Don’t come to me for sympathy  I tell you that you’re not my type  Stop calling me late at night  Every time you pick a fight  After all I’ve said and all I’ve done    I’m not the one  Haven’t been here for you all along  Not the one  The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on    I’m a total dick  That’s the truth and you know I’m right  For everything I say  I’ll never ever do you right  You love the squash man who treats you wrong  You think you’ll change me  But you’re wrong  You choose to fight, I say so long  After all I’ve said and all I’ve done    I’m not the one  Haven’t been here for you all along  Not the one  The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on  I’m the one  Who doesn’t want you for anything  I don’t feel the same for you  I made it clear to you    Start listening to what I’m saying  You’re not the one I’m playing  After all I’ve said and all I’ve done I’m not the one  Haven’t been here for you all along  Not the one  The squash man you’ve been cryin’ on 
6.
Squashie 04:16
Listen up you pussheads  Here’s what’s up  We’re gonna integrate two very important things  and those are intelligence and squash   In squash  You must win the match  Which one cannot do if between me and the ladder it’s a fact    Most squashies are quick  React the drop of the hat  But you cannot defeat me  Because your shit’s so whack    What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds?  You play squash    Try the backhand, try the serve, there’s no getting through  I told you ten times you cannot beat me, dude  I won’t get tired, cuz I’ll just lie on my side  And you still try to beat me but my game is too fine    You’ll record the match and you’ll watch on the tele  Blown away by my game and your legs are just jelly  Me and my queen, we’ll be the new sensation  The PSA won’t let me play and that’s discrimination!    What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds?  You play squash (you can’t beat me in England)    Hey man do you know what’s up?  The game could’ve used me in the Grandfather Cup  And I don’t care if my mask ruins the sport of the game  Cuz I’m winning, yeah I’m winning    What do you do when you’re not 1500 pounds?  You play squash     And we dance  Like a wave in the ocean  Pounds And we live and we love You play squash Squash

credits

released October 15, 2018

Engineered and Mixed by Pete Grossmann at Bricktop Recording from May to July 2018
Mastered by Brad Boatright at Audiosiege in July 2018
Layout and Illustrations by Eric Baskauskas at Wall of Youth

The Eradicator on this recording is:

Vocals, Guitar, Keyboards – Andy Slania
Guitar – Scott Thomson
Bass, Backup Vocals – Ryan Bollis
Drums – Danny Walkowiak

Song 1 inspired by the rendition of “Frosty the Snowman” by Ella Fitzgerald.
Song 2 based on the track “In My Eyes” by Minor Threat. Used with permission.
Song 3 based on the track “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones. Used with license courtesy of WB Music Corp. OBO Taco Tunes.
Song 4 based on the track “The Man In Black” by Johnny Cash. Used with license courtesy of Bug Music OBO Songs of Cash, Inc.
Song 5 based on the track “I’m The One” by Descendents. Used with license courtesy of All Group, Inc. d/b/a Schwinn Tone.
Song 6 based on the track “Goalie” by Atom And His Package. Used with permission.

Song 1 written by Andy Slania
Songs 2-6 originally written by my grandfather, The Grandfather of Squash.
Songs 2-6 re-written with different lyrics, and made more popular by the artists mentioned above.

Gang vocal appearances on The Court’s Closed on Christmas, I Wanna Be A Squash Man, and Squashie by Kendra Sheetz, Mike Slania, Stephanie Fitting, Pete Grossmann.

The Eradicator concept is based on the Kids in the Hall sketch of the same name.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of this project in current, previous, and future form, which includes Nick Woods, Danny Walkowiak, Steve Maury, Ryan Bollis, Justin Morrow, Chris Siuty, Kevin Chapman, Dave Hofer, Scott Thomson, Lawrence Kole, Taylor Shupe, Josh Stacey, Adam Schurman, Chris Lidstone, Alex Ewigleben, Matt Stacks, Dylan Wachman, Tommy McPhail, Caleb Coffey, and Luke Gunn.

All songs published by The Eradicator (ASCAP).

Access The Eradicator:
facebook.com/theeradicatorband
eradicator.bandcamp.com

The Eradicator is officially endorsed by Squash.

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